The House of the White Coats

Hello Friends,
I’ve been a bit silent on the blog front as I’ve been experiencing a little health issue, nothing that bothers me but it appears to be an issue for the house humans.  This is why; on Friday, the female human snuck into the house, woke me from my afternoon nap, wooed me with treats and grabbed me. Before I could protest or reach out a few claws to rearrange her hairdo, she swept me out to the garage where the male human waited. Before you could say “Grumpy cat”, the humans stuffed me in the cat carrier, zipped it closed and I found myself on the back of a mobile metal tube traveling toward a destination that I feared would be the “House of the White Coats.”

The RoomAs I watched the world hurtle past me, I sang the song of my people, it was a sad song. The metal tube lurched to a stop.  The humans carried me inside a building and then to a room. In the past, whenever I found myself in the metal tube, I found myself at the”House of the White Coats”. That place had scary smells and cold metal tables, but this was different. The only scent in the air was calming and relaxing.   The humans unzipped the carrier and I stepped out gingerly. The table was not cold, and there were toys and treats everywhere.   After refusing a peacock feather and several other interesting toys, I shot the humans some serious stink eye and began my escape. My destination was an interesting container I’d spotted in the corner.  I hunkered down, hopped off the table and was surprised no one stopped me.  Flattening myself down as low as I could go, I scurried toward my destination. I hurtled myself into the cozy shelter feeling quite pleased with myself.  Curling up on the soft blanket inside and inhaling the calming smell, I silently mocked the ineffectual humans who had allowed me to escape to this hiding place. Suddenly, the top of my hiding place was removed and someone carried me back to the table inside the bottom half of my shelter.  Hmmm, evidently those humans are smarter than I thought.  CatExam_2

Warm and gentle hands set me inside an interesting cat chair with curves on the sides. I was comfortable enough to stay there when the human in the white coat came in. There was a bit of prodding but much more petting. Despite the fact that I was doing quite well, my stink-eyed glare remained fixed on my face. It is imperative, my feline friends, that you never let humans know they have succeeded in making you comfortable and happy in the “house of the white coats”.

CatExam_3

Very shortly, I was invited to return to my carrier. I took my sweet time sashaying in there while flipping my tail back and forth. It was critical that I show no pleasure in this place.  Between you and me my kitty cohorts, I was so relaxed I didn’t even feel the need to sing the song of my people on the way home.  Then another amazing thing happened. My feline roommates didn’t hiss and swat at me when I returned home.  Seems like they didn’t realize that I had been in the “house of the white coats”, I was not inclined to enlighten them, let them find out for themselves.

So my furry friends, if you must go to the “House of the White Coats” make sure your humans take you to one like mine and never, under any circumstances, let your humans know what a positive experience it was!

Your Friend,
Amelia_Sig

CatExam_4scale

The cat chair with the curves on the sides.

 

P.S.  My health is quite fine, thank you for asking.

PPS – a note from the female human: Our vet is Pend Oreille Veterinary Service and their cat exam room is fantastic. They use Feliway plug ins and Feliway spray on the blanket inside the cat “hiding place” in the room.  It was the best visit to the “House of the White Coats” we’ve ever had!

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Farewell to a Hero Cat

Dear Friends,

Cheeto from the Missing Pet Parntership

Cheeto from the Missing Pet Parntership

I received news to day that the amazing and wonderful cat, Cheeto from Missing Pet Partnership has passed away. Noted below is the letter I received from one of the human assistants at Missing Pet Partnership.  If you loved  Cheeto’s story as much as I did and, if you want to help two-legged folks find their four-legged friends, I urge you to send a donation in Cheeto’s memory.
Sadly,
Amelia_Sig

 

 

 

 

Dear Amelia and “staff”, I wanted to thank you for your awesome and amazing letter to Cheeto and Kat! I posted it on Missing Pet Partnership’s FB page. I also wanted to let you know that shortly after we received your kind letter, Cheeto passed away suddenly…we are very sad, but your letter made us feel so good about Cheeto’s accomplishments, and we thank you sincerely for writing about him! And thank you for sending folks to our website…we need donations now more than ever, and we’re working hard on our new website and other education and training initiatives to help lost animals all around the world.

Thank you again, for your kind letter. It has helped us get through these dark days, and we will be able to remember Cheeto as the great working cat that he was.

Cheers!
Julia
Missing Pet Partnership board of directors

Yo Friskies, What’s Up with the Feline 50??!!

Amelia has her whiskers in a twist again.

Amelia has her whiskers in a twist again.

Dear Friskies,
It was brought to my attention by my purrrrrsonal assistant that you have released a list called, “The Friskies 50, THE definitive guide to the most influential cats on the internet.”  First, let me commend you for taking the time to honor the many fantastic felines on the internet however, I do have my whiskers in a bit of a twist that my name was nowhere to be found on this list.

I am not so vain as to think that I can compete with Grumpy Cat, Colonel Meow (may he rest in peace), Lil Bub and the hero kitty, Tara. Nevertheless, I must express my wonder at some of the other winners.

Let’s look at a few of these Frisky Fab Fifty. There’s the “mean cat” Sparta. His Facebook page contains a prominent photo of him sinking his teeth into a hapless human. Hardly what I would call newsworthy or feline fantastic.

Then there’s City the Kitty. Her Facebook page declares her as a “public figure”. Really?? Some random cat candids are a far cry from making any feline a Facebook pubic figure.

Now Hamilton the Hipster cat is a pretty cool cat. I like his permanent milk mustache and he reminds me a lot of my housemate Tucker (both guys could do with a little “kitty tuna lite” if you catch my drift).

As I pawed through the list, I noticed a few other interesting things. #50, Cat Food Breath proclaims himself as an “entertainer”, Mayor Stubbs has listed himself as a politician, Luna, #15 is a top model kitty and Sam Has Eyebrows, #31 lists himself as an entertainer ( I say anyone who looks that much like Charlie Chaplin should call themselves an entertainer!)

So all you feline loving folks at Friskies, I have given instructions to my purrrrrsonal assistant to advise you of my awesomeness and, motivated and inspired by the descriptions other cats have used on their Facebook pages, I changed mine to “journalist” because I am one of the very few felines with a blog.

May all your postings be snarky,

Amelia_Sig

A Canine Opines and Responds to Amelia’s Last Post

Hello,
Amelia’s secretary here. After her snarky comments in her last post regarding a certain search and rescue canine (and her human) and the less than enthusiastic apology she extended to said canine, in the interest of fairness (and goodwill to all creatures) I am posting the very gracious response from Rike (a very polite and elegant German Shepherd).

Rika_1Amelia:  no apology necessary. I’ve had very little acquaintance with felines, but if you are any example of the species, I am quite impressed. Your interest in SAR is also admirable. Some creatures just seem to get lost and get into all kinds of trouble. Jawohl?

BTW my furparents brought this little thing home recently (see photo):  I don’t think it’s a cat but it’s too small to be a dog. It follows me everywhere!
Rika2

Rike and new friend

I’m going to bed. Have to get up early for 7/4 Parade.
Guten nacht – your friend, Rike

The Tale Of A Truly Courageous Kitty

Cheeto from the Missing Pet Parntership

Cheeto from the Missing Pet Parntership

Although I am of the feline purrrsuasion, I am not a feline who discriminates. I believe all God’s creatures should try to get along (OK, perhaps I owe apologies to the little birds and pine squirrels I may have frightened). And although I am an “equal opportunity feline”, I do find one segment of the canine population a bit hard to bear. It’s those self-important search and rescue dogs and their humans. Look at any photo (as evidenced here) posing proudly with their macho dogs. The dogs sport brightly colored vests announcing their superiority as “search & rescue” members and all sport a smug, self-satisfied grin (the dogs, not the humans). Whoops, my secretary just told me I must extend apologies to her friend MR and her canine search and rescue friend. Fine…sorry.

My staff's friend with her rescue dog.

My staff’s friend with her rescue dog.

But, let’s get back to the important stuff. No longer do the cats of the world have to feel like second-class citizens who do not contribute their fair share. It’s a new era in search and rescue my friends. The felines have arrived! Meet Cheeto (and watch his video), the first search and rescue cat. This brave feline trains canines to find lost kitties. Never again will kitties, gone astray and far from home be chased further into foreign territory by barking, nipping dogs. Canines are being schooled in the proper method of finding frightened felines and Cheeto is leading the pack.

I acknowledge and admire Cheeto’s bravery I mean just getting to the training site is every cat’s worst nightmare and requires bravery this cat can hardly imagine. The minute my staff brings the cat carrier into the house, I skedaddle. And, if they are nimble or sneaky enough to catch me, I will turn myself into “wood kitty”, stretching all four legs out and making it nearly impossible to stuff me into the offending container. If the humans are determined enough to prevail, once they zip me into the expensive soft sided carrier, I will show my displeasure by leaving a sign of my unhappiness on the soft sheepskin lining of the bottom of the carrier. Then there’s the car ride, a literal “hell on wheels” for most kitties. I won’t even go there. Cheeto, if I wore a hat I would tip it in your honor.

So folks, let’s give a cheer to Cheeto and his feline search and rescue buddies. I am asking all my faithful readers to pass the word about Kat Albrecht (the original Pet Detective) and the Missing Pet Partnership. I know if I were lost, my humans and I would be very grateful that these folks helped get me home.

Stay safe kitties,

Amelia_Sig

House Rules Feline Style

Hey Mr. Handyman, I think this lamp needs a different bulb.

Hey Mr. Handyman, I think this lamp needs a different bulb.

My human has had someone doing some house projects for the past two days. Evidently she still needs to be schooled in “handyman etiquette” when dealing with resident felines.   In case any of my fab feline friends are thrust into a similar situation, I have noted below some rules that you must purrrrsuade your humans to follow:

 

  1. Do not tell the handyperson to keep certain doors shut. When you are not around human, the house is under full feline control and, if we want to sashay into a room that is normally closed to us, then the handyman human must let us in…and out…and in…and out.
  2. On the flip side, if there is a canine in residence, make sure the visiting human is given permission to open the door and arrange for some dog-free time for the resident cats.
  3. Make sure that the handyman person is not overzealous regarding the closed door rule. If we get locked out of the mud room one more time , cut off from our litter boxes, well, imagine your nice clean living room not so clean anymore (if you get my drift)
  4. Make sure that the human working in the house keeps power tool use to a minimum or make sure we have some herbal calming oils in our water. I was a nervous wreck all day yesterday!
  5. Please inform said human not to refer to us with the generic term “kitty”. We each have names and would appreciate it if he used them.
  6. The next time someone finds a hapless rodent who managed to trap himself in your kayak, all cats must be notified and allowed to inspect the aforementioned rodent prior to it’s disposal.
  7. Please ensure that the handyman has access to all treats and that he frequently dispenses them throughout the day.

 

So my furry friends, don’t let your human schedule any home projects with a third party until you are sure they understand the rules!

 

Your friend,
Amelia_Sig

A Feline Opines on the Political Process

AmeliaDogFightA political gathering happened in our great state last weekend. It may have been one of the epic cat and dog fights ever.

Two contingencies quickly squared off; the crony-capitalism canines and the conservative cats. The attitude of the establishment canines was that they owned the process and ran the pack, they staked their territory and barked and snapped at challengers.  These dogs ran in the same pack for years, and as far as they were concerned, it was a dog’s world and they were the top dogs. When they sniffed out all the conservative kitties there, they barked, jumped and tried to run the frisky felines off.

I observed bully bulldogs, running back and forth, snapping at the heels of the conservative kitties and looking to corral any errant dogs back into the pack.  Jack Russell Terrorists attempted to chew up minutes and agendas and pouty Pointers tried to confuse, misdirect and waste time.

The cacophony of howling rule breakers was an attempt to drown out the feline contingency but the felines stood their ground. Now, in the interest of fairness and full disclosure, I must state that there was a Labrador working very hard to bring the canines and felines together. Not all dogs are bad, folks, only the dogs that run in the same packs for years, serving their own interests and refusing to allow anyone else in their territory.

The entrenched and arrogant crony canines underestimated the felines. These cats were cool. Truthful Tabbies, alert Abyssinians, Savvy Siamese and prudent Persians stood up for right and called wrong doers to task, meowing over the barking of the crony canines.

The pack mentality of the crony canines did waste enough time to send everyone home without accomplishing the work they had come to do. However, there were great things that happened.   The crony canines in my state, and I hope in the nation, came face to face with determined conservative kitties who refused to be rounded up and dismissed.  They met felines with minds of their own who refused to bow to anyone’s pack mentality.

The moral of this story my friends, is that if you want to run with the big dogs, well, you don’t even have to be a dog.  I think Mark Twain said it best,  “Of all God’s creatures, there is only one that cannot be made slave of the leash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve the man, but it would deteriorate the cat.”   Take note humans

Fight on little kitties!

Amelia_Sig

 

 

 

 

P.S. There were other animals in attendance last weekend; I spied a few old goats, some donkeys and some very unusual beasts with a single horn coming out of their heads.