Yo Friskies, What’s Up with the Feline 50??!!

Amelia has her whiskers in a twist again.

Amelia has her whiskers in a twist again.

Dear Friskies,
It was brought to my attention by my purrrrrsonal assistant that you have released a list called, “The Friskies 50, THE definitive guide to the most influential cats on the internet.”  First, let me commend you for taking the time to honor the many fantastic felines on the internet however, I do have my whiskers in a bit of a twist that my name was nowhere to be found on this list.

I am not so vain as to think that I can compete with Grumpy Cat, Colonel Meow (may he rest in peace), Lil Bub and the hero kitty, Tara. Nevertheless, I must express my wonder at some of the other winners.

Let’s look at a few of these Frisky Fab Fifty. There’s the “mean cat” Sparta. His Facebook page contains a prominent photo of him sinking his teeth into a hapless human. Hardly what I would call newsworthy or feline fantastic.

Then there’s City the Kitty. Her Facebook page declares her as a “public figure”. Really?? Some random cat candids are a far cry from making any feline a Facebook pubic figure.

Now Hamilton the Hipster cat is a pretty cool cat. I like his permanent milk mustache and he reminds me a lot of my housemate Tucker (both guys could do with a little “kitty tuna lite” if you catch my drift).

As I pawed through the list, I noticed a few other interesting things. #50, Cat Food Breath proclaims himself as an “entertainer”, Mayor Stubbs has listed himself as a politician, Luna, #15 is a top model kitty and Sam Has Eyebrows, #31 lists himself as an entertainer ( I say anyone who looks that much like Charlie Chaplin should call themselves an entertainer!)

So all you feline loving folks at Friskies, I have given instructions to my purrrrrsonal assistant to advise you of my awesomeness and, motivated and inspired by the descriptions other cats have used on their Facebook pages, I changed mine to “journalist” because I am one of the very few felines with a blog.

May all your postings be snarky,

Amelia_Sig

House Rules Feline Style

Hey Mr. Handyman, I think this lamp needs a different bulb.

Hey Mr. Handyman, I think this lamp needs a different bulb.

My human has had someone doing some house projects for the past two days. Evidently she still needs to be schooled in “handyman etiquette” when dealing with resident felines.   In case any of my fab feline friends are thrust into a similar situation, I have noted below some rules that you must purrrrsuade your humans to follow:

 

  1. Do not tell the handyperson to keep certain doors shut. When you are not around human, the house is under full feline control and, if we want to sashay into a room that is normally closed to us, then the handyman human must let us in…and out…and in…and out.
  2. On the flip side, if there is a canine in residence, make sure the visiting human is given permission to open the door and arrange for some dog-free time for the resident cats.
  3. Make sure that the handyman person is not overzealous regarding the closed door rule. If we get locked out of the mud room one more time , cut off from our litter boxes, well, imagine your nice clean living room not so clean anymore (if you get my drift)
  4. Make sure that the human working in the house keeps power tool use to a minimum or make sure we have some herbal calming oils in our water. I was a nervous wreck all day yesterday!
  5. Please inform said human not to refer to us with the generic term “kitty”. We each have names and would appreciate it if he used them.
  6. The next time someone finds a hapless rodent who managed to trap himself in your kayak, all cats must be notified and allowed to inspect the aforementioned rodent prior to it’s disposal.
  7. Please ensure that the handyman has access to all treats and that he frequently dispenses them throughout the day.

 

So my furry friends, don’t let your human schedule any home projects with a third party until you are sure they understand the rules!

 

Your friend,
Amelia_Sig