The House of the White Coats

Hello Friends,
I’ve been a bit silent on the blog front as I’ve been experiencing a little health issue, nothing that bothers me but it appears to be an issue for the house humans.  This is why; on Friday, the female human snuck into the house, woke me from my afternoon nap, wooed me with treats and grabbed me. Before I could protest or reach out a few claws to rearrange her hairdo, she swept me out to the garage where the male human waited. Before you could say “Grumpy cat”, the humans stuffed me in the cat carrier, zipped it closed and I found myself on the back of a mobile metal tube traveling toward a destination that I feared would be the “House of the White Coats.”

The RoomAs I watched the world hurtle past me, I sang the song of my people, it was a sad song. The metal tube lurched to a stop.  The humans carried me inside a building and then to a room. In the past, whenever I found myself in the metal tube, I found myself at the”House of the White Coats”. That place had scary smells and cold metal tables, but this was different. The only scent in the air was calming and relaxing.   The humans unzipped the carrier and I stepped out gingerly. The table was not cold, and there were toys and treats everywhere.   After refusing a peacock feather and several other interesting toys, I shot the humans some serious stink eye and began my escape. My destination was an interesting container I’d spotted in the corner.  I hunkered down, hopped off the table and was surprised no one stopped me.  Flattening myself down as low as I could go, I scurried toward my destination. I hurtled myself into the cozy shelter feeling quite pleased with myself.  Curling up on the soft blanket inside and inhaling the calming smell, I silently mocked the ineffectual humans who had allowed me to escape to this hiding place. Suddenly, the top of my hiding place was removed and someone carried me back to the table inside the bottom half of my shelter.  Hmmm, evidently those humans are smarter than I thought.  CatExam_2

Warm and gentle hands set me inside an interesting cat chair with curves on the sides. I was comfortable enough to stay there when the human in the white coat came in. There was a bit of prodding but much more petting. Despite the fact that I was doing quite well, my stink-eyed glare remained fixed on my face. It is imperative, my feline friends, that you never let humans know they have succeeded in making you comfortable and happy in the “house of the white coats”.

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Very shortly, I was invited to return to my carrier. I took my sweet time sashaying in there while flipping my tail back and forth. It was critical that I show no pleasure in this place.  Between you and me my kitty cohorts, I was so relaxed I didn’t even feel the need to sing the song of my people on the way home.  Then another amazing thing happened. My feline roommates didn’t hiss and swat at me when I returned home.  Seems like they didn’t realize that I had been in the “house of the white coats”, I was not inclined to enlighten them, let them find out for themselves.

So my furry friends, if you must go to the “House of the White Coats” make sure your humans take you to one like mine and never, under any circumstances, let your humans know what a positive experience it was!

Your Friend,
Amelia_Sig

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The cat chair with the curves on the sides.

 

P.S.  My health is quite fine, thank you for asking.

PPS – a note from the female human: Our vet is Pend Oreille Veterinary Service and their cat exam room is fantastic. They use Feliway plug ins and Feliway spray on the blanket inside the cat “hiding place” in the room.  It was the best visit to the “House of the White Coats” we’ve ever had!

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Yo Friskies, What’s Up with the Feline 50??!!

Amelia has her whiskers in a twist again.

Amelia has her whiskers in a twist again.

Dear Friskies,
It was brought to my attention by my purrrrrsonal assistant that you have released a list called, “The Friskies 50, THE definitive guide to the most influential cats on the internet.”  First, let me commend you for taking the time to honor the many fantastic felines on the internet however, I do have my whiskers in a bit of a twist that my name was nowhere to be found on this list.

I am not so vain as to think that I can compete with Grumpy Cat, Colonel Meow (may he rest in peace), Lil Bub and the hero kitty, Tara. Nevertheless, I must express my wonder at some of the other winners.

Let’s look at a few of these Frisky Fab Fifty. There’s the “mean cat” Sparta. His Facebook page contains a prominent photo of him sinking his teeth into a hapless human. Hardly what I would call newsworthy or feline fantastic.

Then there’s City the Kitty. Her Facebook page declares her as a “public figure”. Really?? Some random cat candids are a far cry from making any feline a Facebook pubic figure.

Now Hamilton the Hipster cat is a pretty cool cat. I like his permanent milk mustache and he reminds me a lot of my housemate Tucker (both guys could do with a little “kitty tuna lite” if you catch my drift).

As I pawed through the list, I noticed a few other interesting things. #50, Cat Food Breath proclaims himself as an “entertainer”, Mayor Stubbs has listed himself as a politician, Luna, #15 is a top model kitty and Sam Has Eyebrows, #31 lists himself as an entertainer ( I say anyone who looks that much like Charlie Chaplin should call themselves an entertainer!)

So all you feline loving folks at Friskies, I have given instructions to my purrrrrsonal assistant to advise you of my awesomeness and, motivated and inspired by the descriptions other cats have used on their Facebook pages, I changed mine to “journalist” because I am one of the very few felines with a blog.

May all your postings be snarky,

Amelia_Sig