The House of the White Coats

Hello Friends,
I’ve been a bit silent on the blog front as I’ve been experiencing a little health issue, nothing that bothers me but it appears to be an issue for the house humans.  This is why; on Friday, the female human snuck into the house, woke me from my afternoon nap, wooed me with treats and grabbed me. Before I could protest or reach out a few claws to rearrange her hairdo, she swept me out to the garage where the male human waited. Before you could say “Grumpy cat”, the humans stuffed me in the cat carrier, zipped it closed and I found myself on the back of a mobile metal tube traveling toward a destination that I feared would be the “House of the White Coats.”

The RoomAs I watched the world hurtle past me, I sang the song of my people, it was a sad song. The metal tube lurched to a stop.  The humans carried me inside a building and then to a room. In the past, whenever I found myself in the metal tube, I found myself at the”House of the White Coats”. That place had scary smells and cold metal tables, but this was different. The only scent in the air was calming and relaxing.   The humans unzipped the carrier and I stepped out gingerly. The table was not cold, and there were toys and treats everywhere.   After refusing a peacock feather and several other interesting toys, I shot the humans some serious stink eye and began my escape. My destination was an interesting container I’d spotted in the corner.  I hunkered down, hopped off the table and was surprised no one stopped me.  Flattening myself down as low as I could go, I scurried toward my destination. I hurtled myself into the cozy shelter feeling quite pleased with myself.  Curling up on the soft blanket inside and inhaling the calming smell, I silently mocked the ineffectual humans who had allowed me to escape to this hiding place. Suddenly, the top of my hiding place was removed and someone carried me back to the table inside the bottom half of my shelter.  Hmmm, evidently those humans are smarter than I thought.  CatExam_2

Warm and gentle hands set me inside an interesting cat chair with curves on the sides. I was comfortable enough to stay there when the human in the white coat came in. There was a bit of prodding but much more petting. Despite the fact that I was doing quite well, my stink-eyed glare remained fixed on my face. It is imperative, my feline friends, that you never let humans know they have succeeded in making you comfortable and happy in the “house of the white coats”.

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Very shortly, I was invited to return to my carrier. I took my sweet time sashaying in there while flipping my tail back and forth. It was critical that I show no pleasure in this place.  Between you and me my kitty cohorts, I was so relaxed I didn’t even feel the need to sing the song of my people on the way home.  Then another amazing thing happened. My feline roommates didn’t hiss and swat at me when I returned home.  Seems like they didn’t realize that I had been in the “house of the white coats”, I was not inclined to enlighten them, let them find out for themselves.

So my furry friends, if you must go to the “House of the White Coats” make sure your humans take you to one like mine and never, under any circumstances, let your humans know what a positive experience it was!

Your Friend,
Amelia_Sig

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The cat chair with the curves on the sides.

 

P.S.  My health is quite fine, thank you for asking.

PPS – a note from the female human: Our vet is Pend Oreille Veterinary Service and their cat exam room is fantastic. They use Feliway plug ins and Feliway spray on the blanket inside the cat “hiding place” in the room.  It was the best visit to the “House of the White Coats” we’ve ever had!

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House Rules Feline Style

Hey Mr. Handyman, I think this lamp needs a different bulb.

Hey Mr. Handyman, I think this lamp needs a different bulb.

My human has had someone doing some house projects for the past two days. Evidently she still needs to be schooled in “handyman etiquette” when dealing with resident felines.   In case any of my fab feline friends are thrust into a similar situation, I have noted below some rules that you must purrrrsuade your humans to follow:

 

  1. Do not tell the handyperson to keep certain doors shut. When you are not around human, the house is under full feline control and, if we want to sashay into a room that is normally closed to us, then the handyman human must let us in…and out…and in…and out.
  2. On the flip side, if there is a canine in residence, make sure the visiting human is given permission to open the door and arrange for some dog-free time for the resident cats.
  3. Make sure that the handyman person is not overzealous regarding the closed door rule. If we get locked out of the mud room one more time , cut off from our litter boxes, well, imagine your nice clean living room not so clean anymore (if you get my drift)
  4. Make sure that the human working in the house keeps power tool use to a minimum or make sure we have some herbal calming oils in our water. I was a nervous wreck all day yesterday!
  5. Please inform said human not to refer to us with the generic term “kitty”. We each have names and would appreciate it if he used them.
  6. The next time someone finds a hapless rodent who managed to trap himself in your kayak, all cats must be notified and allowed to inspect the aforementioned rodent prior to it’s disposal.
  7. Please ensure that the handyman has access to all treats and that he frequently dispenses them throughout the day.

 

So my furry friends, don’t let your human schedule any home projects with a third party until you are sure they understand the rules!

 

Your friend,
Amelia_Sig

A Feline Opines on the Political Process

AmeliaDogFightA political gathering happened in our great state last weekend. It may have been one of the epic cat and dog fights ever.

Two contingencies quickly squared off; the crony-capitalism canines and the conservative cats. The attitude of the establishment canines was that they owned the process and ran the pack, they staked their territory and barked and snapped at challengers.  These dogs ran in the same pack for years, and as far as they were concerned, it was a dog’s world and they were the top dogs. When they sniffed out all the conservative kitties there, they barked, jumped and tried to run the frisky felines off.

I observed bully bulldogs, running back and forth, snapping at the heels of the conservative kitties and looking to corral any errant dogs back into the pack.  Jack Russell Terrorists attempted to chew up minutes and agendas and pouty Pointers tried to confuse, misdirect and waste time.

The cacophony of howling rule breakers was an attempt to drown out the feline contingency but the felines stood their ground. Now, in the interest of fairness and full disclosure, I must state that there was a Labrador working very hard to bring the canines and felines together. Not all dogs are bad, folks, only the dogs that run in the same packs for years, serving their own interests and refusing to allow anyone else in their territory.

The entrenched and arrogant crony canines underestimated the felines. These cats were cool. Truthful Tabbies, alert Abyssinians, Savvy Siamese and prudent Persians stood up for right and called wrong doers to task, meowing over the barking of the crony canines.

The pack mentality of the crony canines did waste enough time to send everyone home without accomplishing the work they had come to do. However, there were great things that happened.   The crony canines in my state, and I hope in the nation, came face to face with determined conservative kitties who refused to be rounded up and dismissed.  They met felines with minds of their own who refused to bow to anyone’s pack mentality.

The moral of this story my friends, is that if you want to run with the big dogs, well, you don’t even have to be a dog.  I think Mark Twain said it best,  “Of all God’s creatures, there is only one that cannot be made slave of the leash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve the man, but it would deteriorate the cat.”   Take note humans

Fight on little kitties!

Amelia_Sig

 

 

 

 

P.S. There were other animals in attendance last weekend; I spied a few old goats, some donkeys and some very unusual beasts with a single horn coming out of their heads.