The House of the White Coats

Hello Friends,
I’ve been a bit silent on the blog front as I’ve been experiencing a little health issue, nothing that bothers me but it appears to be an issue for the house humans.  This is why; on Friday, the female human snuck into the house, woke me from my afternoon nap, wooed me with treats and grabbed me. Before I could protest or reach out a few claws to rearrange her hairdo, she swept me out to the garage where the male human waited. Before you could say “Grumpy cat”, the humans stuffed me in the cat carrier, zipped it closed and I found myself on the back of a mobile metal tube traveling toward a destination that I feared would be the “House of the White Coats.”

The RoomAs I watched the world hurtle past me, I sang the song of my people, it was a sad song. The metal tube lurched to a stop.  The humans carried me inside a building and then to a room. In the past, whenever I found myself in the metal tube, I found myself at the”House of the White Coats”. That place had scary smells and cold metal tables, but this was different. The only scent in the air was calming and relaxing.   The humans unzipped the carrier and I stepped out gingerly. The table was not cold, and there were toys and treats everywhere.   After refusing a peacock feather and several other interesting toys, I shot the humans some serious stink eye and began my escape. My destination was an interesting container I’d spotted in the corner.  I hunkered down, hopped off the table and was surprised no one stopped me.  Flattening myself down as low as I could go, I scurried toward my destination. I hurtled myself into the cozy shelter feeling quite pleased with myself.  Curling up on the soft blanket inside and inhaling the calming smell, I silently mocked the ineffectual humans who had allowed me to escape to this hiding place. Suddenly, the top of my hiding place was removed and someone carried me back to the table inside the bottom half of my shelter.  Hmmm, evidently those humans are smarter than I thought.  CatExam_2

Warm and gentle hands set me inside an interesting cat chair with curves on the sides. I was comfortable enough to stay there when the human in the white coat came in. There was a bit of prodding but much more petting. Despite the fact that I was doing quite well, my stink-eyed glare remained fixed on my face. It is imperative, my feline friends, that you never let humans know they have succeeded in making you comfortable and happy in the “house of the white coats”.

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Very shortly, I was invited to return to my carrier. I took my sweet time sashaying in there while flipping my tail back and forth. It was critical that I show no pleasure in this place.  Between you and me my kitty cohorts, I was so relaxed I didn’t even feel the need to sing the song of my people on the way home.  Then another amazing thing happened. My feline roommates didn’t hiss and swat at me when I returned home.  Seems like they didn’t realize that I had been in the “house of the white coats”, I was not inclined to enlighten them, let them find out for themselves.

So my furry friends, if you must go to the “House of the White Coats” make sure your humans take you to one like mine and never, under any circumstances, let your humans know what a positive experience it was!

Your Friend,
Amelia_Sig

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The cat chair with the curves on the sides.

 

P.S.  My health is quite fine, thank you for asking.

PPS – a note from the female human: Our vet is Pend Oreille Veterinary Service and their cat exam room is fantastic. They use Feliway plug ins and Feliway spray on the blanket inside the cat “hiding place” in the room.  It was the best visit to the “House of the White Coats” we’ve ever had!

House Rules Feline Style

Hey Mr. Handyman, I think this lamp needs a different bulb.

Hey Mr. Handyman, I think this lamp needs a different bulb.

My human has had someone doing some house projects for the past two days. Evidently she still needs to be schooled in “handyman etiquette” when dealing with resident felines.   In case any of my fab feline friends are thrust into a similar situation, I have noted below some rules that you must purrrrsuade your humans to follow:

 

  1. Do not tell the handyperson to keep certain doors shut. When you are not around human, the house is under full feline control and, if we want to sashay into a room that is normally closed to us, then the handyman human must let us in…and out…and in…and out.
  2. On the flip side, if there is a canine in residence, make sure the visiting human is given permission to open the door and arrange for some dog-free time for the resident cats.
  3. Make sure that the handyman person is not overzealous regarding the closed door rule. If we get locked out of the mud room one more time , cut off from our litter boxes, well, imagine your nice clean living room not so clean anymore (if you get my drift)
  4. Make sure that the human working in the house keeps power tool use to a minimum or make sure we have some herbal calming oils in our water. I was a nervous wreck all day yesterday!
  5. Please inform said human not to refer to us with the generic term “kitty”. We each have names and would appreciate it if he used them.
  6. The next time someone finds a hapless rodent who managed to trap himself in your kayak, all cats must be notified and allowed to inspect the aforementioned rodent prior to it’s disposal.
  7. Please ensure that the handyman has access to all treats and that he frequently dispenses them throughout the day.

 

So my furry friends, don’t let your human schedule any home projects with a third party until you are sure they understand the rules!

 

Your friend,
Amelia_Sig

The Algonquin Cat

Dear Humans and Feline Followers,
Did you know that famous Algonquin Hotel in New York has had a feline spokespurrrrson and resident cat-greeter since the 1930’s? Not only is Matilda, the current feline in residence, treated like the cat queen she is, she also has her own Facebook page, with 7,302 likes, I might add! This makes my readers look like a bunch of slackers so I would suggest you put those paws on my Facebook page and hit the “Like this page” button ASAP.

Tucker, king of all he surveys

However, enough about me, after learning of the esteemed Matilda, I asked myself, “What does a hotel cat do?” Judging from Matilda’s Facebook page, not much. I saw numerous selfies, a shot of her in her cushy kitty bed and a few random posts with shout outs to other cats. A feline dream job. When I had my human pull up Matilda’s Facebook page, my housemate Tucker took one look at her and declared they must be related .I’ll let my readers be the judge. Frankly, I don’t see it.

I am hereby offering my services as a hotel cat and I’d be a hard working one. I would greet the guests (those that bring me a treat) and would make sure I walked across all their reservation paperwork. If the treat was especially tasty, I would drool on aforementioned paperwork as well. It would be my sworn duty to ensure that all furniture in each room was sufficiently covered with cat hair. In the morning, I would scamper in each room with the cleaning crew. I would be diligent about hopping in each suitcase, providing some “souvenir Algonquin cat fur” for each lucky guest. Of course, I would expect a litter box in each room so that I could visit at my pleasure and at my leisure.

I would expect baskets of toys by each seat in the lobby and each guest would be assigned a playtime slot during Happy Hour (my Happy Hour, not theirs). And, of course, I would make sure there was a discreet but large jar at the front desk so that guests could show their appreciation for all my cat customer care.

So Matilda, instead of lounging in your padded cat bed and taking selfies, you may want to put your paws to work or your friend Amelia might be applying for your purrrrrrsition.

 

Amelia_Sig

Matilda, the Algonquin Hotel Cat

Matilda, the Algonquin Hotel Cat